Tim Challies challenged himself well over 2000 days ago to write something every single day. And he’s done it! And not only has he done it, he’s done it well if my opinion counts at all. I find that the way I blog is a pattern that matches much of how I live my life. Again, just like my Pharoah realization: not pretty. But…I’m changing! Or rather, I’m being changed if I give credit where credit is due.
This is my pattern: I start out strong and excited with something and then peter out because I’m not doing it as well as I want to, have too many other things on my plate, and so don’t spend the time practicing doing it well. Then, finally, I’m so behind on that thing that the amount of energy it takes to catch back up that, often, I just stop altogether. It’s a cycle that covers why I quit ballet and clarinet when I was a kid, and competitive swimming as a teen, why my house gets overwhelming, why my blog get sporadic, why my laundry piles up, why even though I’ve had six months of my little brother being deployed he’s only gotten one email from me. (Not kidding: I had an email that was about 6 pages long and it was so out of date each time I started to add to it that it never got sent. Ridiculous waste of time.)
I try to dress this stuff up nicely: I’m a perfectionist! I don’t want to do it unless I can do it well! I just have high standards!
But this is the truth: I don’t prioritize my time well and get overwhelmed, and I don’t like to do hard things that I’m not good at immediately. I have a fierce learning curve at the beginning of things, but I don’t persevere. I have trouble running the race that is set before me on both a practical level and a spiritual one — and really, the two go hand-in-hand, don’t they?
Now, I could go on and on about this but I’ve got a lot to do today and I can tell I’ll get bogged down if I attempt it right now. So please, just trust me, that’s my problem. But that realization has caused me to change the way I prioritize things and to cut some things out of my plate in order to add some others. Surprisingly, blogging was something I wanted to add back in.
I need to write. Since I was little I’ve thought in paragraphs with punctuation, in stanzas, and for some reason, lots of alliteration if I’m in a certain mood. Sometimes I do it well, sometimes I don’t. But it’s important to me and so I need to set my mind to it. So I’m challenging myself like Tim did — I’m going to write something here every day. I like the blog because it keeps me accountable somehow, putting stuff up here where I can go back and see it.
So here I am, day 1. Challenge met. And now I need to go check on my failing bread dough. I’m going to make SOMETHING good out of that stuff. Whether it rises or not.