Merlot Mudpies

Can a blog be about gardening, cancer, family, food and life all at the same time? Oh good.

The Curse of the Perpetual Zucchini* June 3, 2008


I have been discussing with several friends the moral and ethical implications of the Zucchini Doorbell Ditch. That’s a rather official name for a half-baked hair-brained scheme that hasn’t even been implemented yet, but let me tell you, I’m tempted.

What IS the Zucchini Doorbell Ditch, you ask? Well, it’s just like it sounds. I would take some zucchini (babies, mind you, not tough monsters no one wanted to eat — what kind of gardener do you think I am??), put them in a bag, put them on someone’s porch, ring the doorbell, and then run like the dickens so they wouldn’t know WHO the culprit was in order to return my “gift”.

Perhaps I’d add a note, glued together with cut-outs of letters from magazines in order to hide my identity through handwriting matches or printer track-downs, that stated “Organically grown and local. Chemical free with a very small carbon footprint! YUM ZUCCHINI!!!” Well, perhaps the over-use of exclamation points would turn the recipient off. I’d likely leave a few of those out. Maybe I’d even leave a few recipes.

You see, today at my plots, I picked zucchini and yellow-crook necks and I did so cautiously. I left the babies to get a bit bigger. I left a lot of babies to get a lot bigger. And when I got home I had several zucchini the length and thickness of my forearms. I had a few smaller ones, too. And I didn’t even bother to count the yellow squash. Not only that, I have two volunteer yellow squash getting ready to sprout some babies soon, too! When I weighed todays harvest, I was just shy of 5 lbs. of squash. And, my friends, it’s only the second of June. I checked the calendar to make sure. Twice!

Tonight I made a batch of my Zucchini, Barley, and Parmesan Soup.** This left me with three more of the giants and all of my yellow squash. I’m considering Barbara Kingsolver’s chocolate chip cookies made with zucchini. And also, does anyone know how to can? I need to know how to can, people! And I’ll be trying out and posting (if successful), Lynn’s recipe for zucchini stuffed with dirty rice and sausage very soon. Or something like it. Because did I mention that some of these guys are as big as my arm??

All right, all right, I know. I’m sounding a bit desperate here. People tell us first year gardeners, “only plant one zucchini. Seriously.” And we all say, “Right! Of course. Uh huh!” But we don’t KNOW. We don’t GET it. How can you get it until you’ve planted two? Because how much more zucchini would one extra plant make, right?

Oh, the mistakes of our youth.

*note: My title was laughed at me by my beloved Jocelyn. She makes me melt into puddles of giggly tears.

**note: My soup also had canellini beans and pasta in it tonight. Remember how I said it was a flexible recipe? Well here you go. That’s what I had in my cupboard with a partial bag of barley. SO that’s what went in. It was in my top three batches of all time, too. Can’t wait for the leftovers.

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3 Responses to “The Curse of the Perpetual Zucchini*”

  1. bre Says:

    oh oh … i have 2 seedlings I’m about to plant into my garden and I just popped 4 seeds in the soil last week (then I put in 1 more for luck)! heheh

    fingers crossed – none but one makes it?

  2. merlotmudpies Says:

    well, i don’t know. since posting i’ve figured out uses for a lot of my zucchini. sooo…maybe it’s not SO dramatic after all. MAYBE. 😉 and i guess it’s better to have more than not enough, yeah? hehe. oh the quandaries we gardeners face.

  3. Ani Says:

    My mom makes stuffed zucchini Armenian style. i should get you the recipe (if she has one..)


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