IVEY RANCH, CA — Gardeners were shocked today as 6 strawberry plants were left in critical condition after having all their berries and blooms cut off, along with most of their leaves. Carnage was strewn throughout the neighborhood of C10 where the event took place, and many of the other community inhabitants were left speechless by the violence carried out by new gardener, Merlot Mudpies.
“It’s just…they were so young. She’d (Mudpies) only put them in on Sunday and they all just seemed so vibrant and filled with life.” This anonymous gardener went on to state that Mudpies had always been a quiet, friendly gardener in the area and no one had expected anything like this. “They were just such nice little Anaheim berries. It’s just sad. Just so, so sad.” lamented another concerned neighbor, “I really hope she knows what she’s doing.”
It all started when Mudpies spoke to a gardener down the aisle from her own plots. This anonymous and acknowledged master of berry growing was watering his own lively and amazing row of strawberries when other gardeners saw he and Mudpies conversing. “She said something to him about her strawberries needing to shape up and look like his, or else…” the owner of a nearby plot stated, making a slashing motion with his hand across his neck. “He asked if she’d fed them and she had, and then he told her he might need to cut all the leaves and berries off and let them re-grow. He said she needed to do it for ‘their own good’.” the witness went on to state in a chilling recounting of the events.
Whether this was a fit of jealous rage and strawberry envy or a caring act by a concerned gardener has yet to be determined. Local authorities have no comment as of yet. However, other strawberry plants will not rest easily in coming days until they see whether their violently trimmed brethren recover.
“Shocked. We’re all just shocked.” another gardener said, and then mumbled, “But if it works, my strawberries are next.”